September 29, 2019

I gave my life to Christ at the tender age of 5. I did it with my grandmother on our porch in Haiti. We had a member of the local church come and pray the salvation prayer with us. At 5 years old, God seemed like a fairy tale. Like a mystical being you heard about in stories. In my mind, He was a warrior dressed in armor from head to to toe — ready to fight and protect His people. This was my first idea of who God was for me. The first time I was sexually abused was at the age of 5. It was a family member. The second time was age 7. The subsequent times where up until 10 years old and they too were by family members. It was normal to be touched by older men and be sworn to secrecy. It was a childhood game that seemed to turn into years of pain. At 10 years old I tried to take my life by drinking a chemical cleaner in my bathroom. I was distraught due to my relationship with my mother. I wanted to end it all to get back at her. After taking a big gulp of cleaner and water, I said a quick prayer asking God for forgiveness and His will to Live. I remember asking Him to let me wake up the next morning if He wanted me to live. I woke up the next day and kept waking up day after day. At age 11, I experienced some of my darkest days as a child. I hit a very rough patch with depression and I told my mom about one of my sexual abuse experiences. That day seemed like the longest day ever. I told my mom and she didn’t believe me. I lost every desire to make it through that day. I spent the whole night praying, reading the bible and crying. I knew one verse to read in times of trouble. I had overheard a teacher speaking with a colleague at school previously that when you are in need of help, read Psalms 27. I may have read that Psalms a hundred times that night. I emphasized verse 10 a lot that night in my prayers during that dark hour. I knew only God could help me. The very next day, my mother called me from work and told me she believed me. That was a defining moment in my life and my walk with God. That was my own personal encounter with God, my Father the protector. I have spent my whole adult age recovering from my childhood and healing. I am still on the journey but I am not afraid to face my past as I move forward.

More about Dieunica Setoute

I'm a free spirit. I hate rules and legalism. I love art and nature, music, the beach and dogs. I like to garden, take pictures and read. I tend to speak my mind and have a rip-the-band-aid -off approach to life. (Brace yourself, this might hurt.)

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