For now am I seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10 ESV
Someone I love is choosing things that aren’t good for them.
Things that make me anxious and scare me.
I speak into it.
They say all the right things and continue as they are.
I say more.
I can’t stop – I’m in the spin.
I need them to stop so I can feel okay.
Control costumed as caring.
Surely God doesn’t want me to let them crash and burn.
As a Christian, I must stop them.
The hamster wheel goes round and round, leads nowhere.
My persistent caring is control.
It’s about comfort.
I need you to be okay so I feel okay.
Circumstances happen, solid footing gives way to a rickety bridge.
I wrestle for control.
Control for what’s out of control.
What was never mine to control.
I try to manage what’s unmanageable.
It feels like life or death.
Heaven or hell.
I can’t fix or control my own life, but I can fix yours if you will let me.
When I fail to create the change I want, it creates fear.
- Fear of the unknown
- Fear of consequences.
- Fear of injury or illness.
- Fear of loss.
I try harder.
More failure, more fear.
Fear and failure give way to frustration.
Why can’t they see what I’m trying to show them?
This thing will ruin their life – I have to keep trying.
“If you would only….” “Why can’t you just….”
• Get help
• Be Different
Frustration builds, morphs into anger.
Co-dependence isn’t caring, it’s control.
It ousted Lucifer from Heaven.
It’s me trying to be God.
God always gives us freedom, lets us choose.
The lie of co-dependence is what happens to a person, place or thing is within my control and the outcome depends on what I do or say.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 ESV
I come to the end of myself and surrender.
I am the one who must stop.
I can’t but He can.
Get out of the way and allow God to do His work.
He is able.
I give Him my situation, circumstances, loved one.
I trust and pray.
Let go and let God.
Take the steps He gives me.
Letting go is fearing less and loving more.
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. Proverbs 19:21
It means I can’t control another.
The outcome isn’t in my hands.
Only God can change hearts and lives.
When I’m constantly attached to a person or a problem, it becomes an idol I serve standing between me and God.
What I think is the key becomes the lock.
There is a way out.
I am powerless over other people.
I admit my need to rescue and fix has made my life unmanageable.
I turn my will and life over to God.
I pray only for the knowledge of His will and the power to carry it out.
Faith over fear.
• Faith God will work things out over time.
• Faith God can accomplish what I can’t.
• Faith God has a good plan for me and others.
His will is bigger than my narrow vision.
The way out is to acknowledge God’s sovereignty and ownership.
He is Lord over all.
His ability isn’t limited to what I see, taste, touch.
I surrender my expectations and release the person/problem to God’s care.
I set my affections on things above and rest in who He is.
I trust Him.
When I carry burdens He never intended, it takes me far away from Him.
Leaves me weary and worn out.
It hinders and keeps me from the race marked out just for me.
Instead of asking, “What can I do?” I ask, “What can God do?”
Attach to God and detach from the spin.
Allow God to heal my heart and guide my life.
He helps me leave the hamster wheel and leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
In 2011, I participated in a year long Christian 12 Step program, Celebrate Recovery, for co-dependence. My co-dependency gets triggered when I feel overwhelmed and out of control. I get anxious and to cope with the anxiety, I focus on someone else – what I perceive to be the problem.
The blessing of the 12 step program was through their support and process, I received a lot of healing. I was able to put down baggage I’d carried for a long time and learned a ton about myself and what it means to be co-dependent. Today, I consider myself recovered from co-dependency but it is something I continue to manage and at times slip back into.
I encourage anyone experiencing chaos and crazy from other people’s problems/lives to consider participating in a 12 step program – there is freedom on the other side.
Prayer for cutting free
Father God, Lord Jesus, I want to give my life back to you. I present my body as a living sacrifice and humbly ask you to renew my mind. Cut me free from my need to control and the demands I place on myself. I give and submit to You, Jesus, the ownership of my call, equipping, gifting and ministry. I give it over to direct according to Your purposes and timing. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.