He sacrificed his own son in the fire, practiced divination, sought omens, and consulted mediums and spiritualists. He did much evil in the eyes of the Lord, arousing His anger. 2 Kings 21:6
King Hezekiah is very sick.
Isaiah, the prophet approaches, “This is what the Lord says: Put your house in order, because you are going to die; you will not recover.”
King Hezekiah prayed to the Lord.
“Remember, Lord, how I have walked before You faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and have done what is good in Your eyes.”
He wept bitterly and the Lord heard him, saw his tears and granted him fifteen more years of life.
We read this and celebrate the Lord and His miracles.
God gave the king 15 more years because he prayed for it – prayed for what he wanted, not the Lord’s will.
During this time of illness, King Hezekiah’s son, Manasseh had yet to be conceived.
Manasseh, the evil, son sacrificing man who threw his own boy in the fire.
Did much evil in the eyes of the Lord.
If Hezekiah died as God intended, Manasseh would never have been born.
Life happens, the doctor reports and I want a different ending.
I question and ask, “Why did you allow this God?”
I want to re-write the story my way, based on my own understanding and what seems good.
Be my own god, form my own truth and definitions.
For forty years, the Israelites wandered around the desert, surviving on weird, unknown food whose name means, “What is it?”
Hungry, they received nourishment from something they didn’t understand.
He gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never known, to humble and test you so that in the end it might go well with you. Deuteronomy 8:16
Sometimes what You give makes no sense.
It’s my sustenance.
Humbles and tests me in fire that refines.
I don’t know what the ending holds, so I hold onto You, the One who is faithful.
The One who keeps His promises.
The One who never lies.
When I maneuver and manipulate to change circumstances, I live as though God doesn’t exist.
An oxy moron, Christian atheist.
To fully abandon myself to God means I refuse the luxury of asking “Why?”
“What about this?”
I allow God to take me into Himself and pay no attention to what I call great things.
Thoughts and desires.
My own understanding and need to know.
It’s full surrender, taking His Hand in childlike trust, following wherever He leads, embracing His will.
Daughter and dad.
My hand in His.
I long to gather you, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you are not willing.
I am Israel.
A stuck slave.
Bondage and hardship.
Crying out to God.
In grace and mercy, He leads me out, places me on His path.
A path littered with obstacles to overcome and rivers to cross – the narrow paradise path.
It’s landscape is unfamiliar.
Sustenance I can’t comprehend.
I long for the familiar.
The place I knew with tastes and smells I understand.
Remember the good and not the bad – at least there was meat.
Instead of focusing on God, the smoky cloud right in front of me, I look behind and long for security.
Grumble and complain.
God in His love and mercy, waits patiently.
He is faithful when I am not.To eat manna with thanksgiving, I must embrace the unknown. Click To Tweet
The not knowing.
Place myself in the hands of God, certain only of His character and promises.
He is good.
Worthy of all Praise.
Trustworthy, just, true.
Works bad things for good.
His timing and ways are perfect.
He’s provided hope and a future.
He is the rock who never moves.
Light of the world.
Truth and Life.
Resurrection and atonement.
I can leap into the abyss of the unknown knowing even if I let go, He never does.
Father God, Lord Jesus,
Thank you. Thank you that You are faithful; Your promises are true. Thank you for stepping into my Egypt and taking me by the hand. Forgive me for questioning and complaining – for wanting to go back to the familiar, the place You walked me out of. Thank you for Your grace and mercy. I trust Your will and way, Your plan I don’t understand. I surrender what I think for who You are and rest in Your Word. I pray for courage and strength. I pray for wisdom and discernment to know Your will. I pray for all those whose lives have taken a sharp turn they don’t understand. You always know the end of the story…and it is good because You are good. I pray You help me to know You and love You better. You alone are worthy. In Your Precious, Holy, Matchless Name I Pray, Amen.