Missing Mom

May 12, 2017

Mother’s Day is a day to celebrate mom – how much she sacrifices, loves and gives – but not everyone gets the mom they need or hope for. For some, it’s a day of sadness and loss. Maybe you’ve lost your mom or maybe due to addiction, illness or abandonment, you never really had a mom.

You attempt to find a card to wish her happy Mother’s Day and all you see are cards thanking her for all the things she never did.

 When I think of the broken relationships in my life, it’s discouraging and sad. I wish there were something I could say or do to make things better – help them get it. Sometimes relationships are hard. It could be so much more but unless God does a miracle, it seems to be unfixable.  Broken.

Then Jesus’ mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call Him. A crowd was sitting around Him, and they told Him, “Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you.” “Who are my mother and my brothers?” He asked. Then He looked at those seated around Him and said, “Here are my mother and brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.” –Mark 3:31-35 NIV

Jesus had family stuff. It encourages me to know Jesus had family stuff. He didn’t come from a perfect family who always loved and supported Him. In this instance, Jesus entered a house and a large crowd gathered – He was teaching. Apparently, people from the community went to His family and said, “He’s at it again – He’s going to cause a riot! You need to do something! The teachers of the law aren’t happy….there’s going to be trouble! He’s your son….can’t you do something?”

Of course, I’m guessing but I think it went something like that. So off they went….maybe embarrassed for Him and themselves, not understanding His mission or what He was doing. Only aware people were upset and felt as a family they needed to intervene.

Mark 3:21 says, “When His family heard about this, they went to take charge of Him, for they said, ‘He is out of His mind.’” I wonder if on a human level, it hurt – His own family didn’t totally believe in what He was doing.

Our families can be our biggest critics, obstacles or sadly, even our enemies. Click To Tweet

Maybe Jesus was acknowledging we are often misguided, broken, people living in a fallen world. Things aren’t the way they’re supposed to be. People, relationships have cracks and chips…..sometimes they break beyond repair. Sometimes for your own good, you might have to step away.

I’m not saying that’s the point of this parable but Jesus may have used this moment – His own moment of being misunderstood to say look to God and not people. I can trust Him to fill in the holes and provide what I need.

For all the moms – those here on earth, those in heaven and the prodigal moms we still wait for – Happy Mother’s Day!

Is Mother’s Day a day of celebration for you or a day of loss?

More about Liz

I'm a free spirit. I hate rules and legalism. I love art and nature, music, the beach and dogs. I like to garden, take pictures and read. I tend to speak my mind and have a rip-the-band-aid -off approach to life. (Brace yourself, this might hurt.)

4 Comments
    1. I’m so proud of you in your ability to put into words what I’m sure a lot of people feel.

    1. Again, your words speak and and address a very real, emotionally charged issue, in a direct and heart felt manner, that is often not addressed. I am amazed by your words, and so proud of you for being so open and brave Liz! These are words that so many need to hear. Hopefully, they will prompt conversations we should be having.
      Through my own journey, working with families, and having my own family “stuff,” I have come to believe that no one fully gets what they need from their parents. For some, there is abuse, neglect, or abandoment. For others, they have parents with mental illness or addiction, or a family members whose problems overtake the family. Others are raised with unrealistic expectations. And yet for some, even if things were wonderful and they received unconditional love and support, in adulthood, there are usually areas that become recognized that cause hurt and pain. Whatever our personal experience, our relationship with our parent/s and how we were raised, shapes all aspects of our being.
      I believe that this is all part of God’s design. We are all human, full of flaws. Even when we try our best, we still make mistakes. For a significant part of our lives, we don’t realize our parents are also human, with their own personalities, their own flaws, their own “stuff,” that has effected every aspect of their own lives, and thus, the lives of the children they have raised. For us, learning to see our parents as human, flaws and all, and accepting him/her for who he/she is, can be one of the most difficult parts of our journey.
      A great deal of my healing has occured from working with kids, including adult kids, that have experienced devastating and painful experiences, and working with their parents as well. I can honestly say, that even in the most horrific of situations, I have never met a parent who intentionally wanted to harm or hurt their child. Though many did, in many ways, for many reasons, and many continued to do so. While for some, seperating from family can be one of the healthiest decisions, an acceptance still needs to occur for the child/adult child to fully heal.
      For me, this is where faith and a trust and reliance, in and on God, needs to occur. This is where we learn two of our biggest life lessons: acceptance and forgiveness. Accepting that we were given the situation we were, no matter how horrific, and knowing that somehow, it shaped us and provided us with the lessons, tools, and skills we will need in life, to become the person God wants us to be. That hopefully, our experience, can be used to help not only our selves, but others. Accepting that our parents are flawed humans, and are capable of deeply hurting us, but realizing there are factors that shaped them throughout their lives leading them to become the person, and parent, they became. Accepting that our parent/s will not be able to change into the parent/s we want, or need, and that he or she is who he/she is. It is up to us to accept this. By accepting a person, for who he or she is, flaws and all, is allows us to develop a deeper understanding, but more importantly, it opens us up to being able to forgive. Without acceptance, it is hard to forgive. While forgivess does not change the past, while forgiveness wont transform a person, while forgiveness doesn’t excuse the behaviors, forgiveness can miraculously be life changing for the one who is willing to forgive.
      (I didn’t intend to write all of this, but this is an issue I have seen come up in almost every family)

      1. Wow! Great comment and so well said. I agree with all you say and appreciate so much you reading and taking the time to engage and take part in a dialogue about a subject that can be sensitive. Well said, my friend! Xoxo

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