Today, I give you a gift in the form of a post written by guest blogger, Sam Renee Bartee. God connected Sam and I through Instagram where I discovered her blog and devotion to Christ. Reading her writing humbles and inspires me – I pray I live my faith boldly and proclaim Him fearlessly the way Sam does. This is a post you want to read and share.
I hated myself – every part and portion down to the last cell.
I believed I was disgusting, repugnant, and despicable every time I wrestled with same sex attraction.
As my lust for the same sex grew, my spirit waned.
I witnessed myself – someone who was once zealous to serve an almighty God, shrink into the shadows.
How could I worship knowing what was in my mind?
How could I pray knowing my flesh was sown into homosexuality?
I believed my very words were offensive to God.
I was an outcast to His family and His friendship was debatable.
How could a good God accept someone He labeled an abomination?
There was no place at God’s table for someone like me – or so I believed.
In my world, same sex attraction often became a synonym for shame.
When it came to my own personal struggle, shame was such a familiar feeling I forbade myself from seeking a life outside of it.
I didn’t want to believe in a life where shame didn’t exist.
As a Christian, I learned my sin was more grandiose than others.
I had no place at God’s table because my sin was who I was and not what I did.
I often witnessed the church agree with this philosophy causing me to feel even more despicable.
Shame had a grip around my body, and the enemy often strangled me with it.
I lived in secret with my sin for many years, ashamed.
Who was I really to God?
Was my shame telling the truth – that I am an outcast?
It took me awhile to recognize the truth of the Lord, but the reward and the freedom from shame were worth it.
Turns out, I wasn’t serving the God I thought I was.
The God I serve believes in righteousness bought by the shed blood of Jesus Christ – no condemnation.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1
In knowing the truth about God, my shame dissolved.
Instead of swallowing the lies of the enemy, I dug into scripture.
Yes, God blatantly condemns homosexuality but He never identified me as the sin.
If there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus, why was I condemning myself in shame?
1 John 1:9 says If we confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
If my God has cleansed me of all unrighteousness, then why was I ashamed of my same sex attraction?
1 Corinthian 6:9 speaks against those who practice homosexuality – separating the practice from the person.
Shame occurs when we confuse what we do with who we are.
I confused my same sex attraction with my identity in Christ.
John 1:12 tells me those who believe in His Name He gives the right to become children of God.
If I am a child of God, what is there to be despised?
How can a good father despise His own child?
The final conclusion is He doesn’t.
Shame is a liar.
Sam Renee Bartee is a writer and devoted follower of Jesus Christ who is dedicated to shining the light of God’s truth and dispelling darkness. She is currently writing her first book, Are You It? The Tag Game Between Light and Sexual Darkness.
Sam blogs about the challenges of same sex attraction on her website, http://www.thestrugggleblog.com She welcomes connection, comments and questions through her blog and e-mail, Samrbartee@gmail.com You can also follow Sam on Instagram and Facebook.