Same Sex Attraction: A Battle with Shame

February 15, 2019

Today, I give you a gift in the form of a post written by guest blogger, Sam Renee Bartee. God connected Sam and I through Instagram where I discovered her blog and devotion to Christ. Reading her writing humbles and inspires me – I pray I live my faith boldly and proclaim Him fearlessly the way Sam does. This is a post you want to read and share.

I hated myself – every part and portion down to the last cell.

I believed I was disgusting, repugnant, and despicable every time I wrestled with same sex attraction.

As my lust for the same sex grew, my spirit waned.

I witnessed myself – someone who was once zealous to serve an almighty God, shrink into the shadows.

How could I worship knowing what was in my mind?

How could I pray knowing my flesh was sown into homosexuality?

I believed my very words were offensive to God.

I was an outcast to His family and His friendship was debatable.

How could a good God accept someone He labeled an abomination?

There was no place at God’s table for someone like me – or so I believed.

In my world, same sex attraction often became a synonym for shame.

When it came to my own personal struggle, shame was such a familiar feeling I forbade myself from seeking a life outside of it.

I didn’t want to believe in a life where shame didn’t exist.

As a Christian, I learned my sin was more grandiose than others.

I had no place at God’s table because my sin was who I was and not what I did.

I often witnessed the church agree with this philosophy causing me to feel even more despicable.

Shame had a grip around my body, and the enemy often strangled me with it.

I lived in secret with my sin for many years, ashamed.

Who was I really to God?

Was my shame telling the truth – that I am an outcast?

It took me awhile to recognize the truth of the Lord, but the reward and the freedom from shame were worth it.

Turns out, I wasn’t serving the God I thought I was.

The God I serve doesn't believe in outcasts Click To Tweet

The God I serve believes in righteousness bought by the shed blood of Jesus Christ – no condemnation.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

In knowing the truth about God, my shame dissolved.

Instead of swallowing the lies of the enemy, I dug into scripture.

Yes, God blatantly condemns homosexuality but He never identified me as the sin.

If there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus, why was I condemning myself in shame?

1 John 1:9 says If we confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

If my God has cleansed me of all unrighteousness, then why was I ashamed of my same sex attraction?

1 Corinthian 6:9 speaks against those who practice homosexuality – separating the practice from the person.

Shame occurs when we confuse what we do with who we are.

I confused my same sex attraction with my identity in Christ.

John 1:12 tells me those who believe in His Name He gives the right to become children of God.

If I am a child of God, what is there to be despised?

How can a good father despise His own child?

The final conclusion is He doesn’t.

Shame is a liar.

Sam Renee Bartee is a writer and devoted follower of Jesus Christ who is dedicated to shining the light of God’s truth and dispelling darkness. She is currently writing her first book, Are You It? The Tag Game Between Light and Sexual Darkness.

Sam blogs about the challenges of same sex attraction on her website, http://www.thestrugggleblog.com She welcomes connection, comments and questions through her blog and e-mail, Samrbartee@gmail.com You can also follow Sam on Instagram and Facebook.

More about Liz

I'm a free spirit. I hate rules and legalism. I love art and nature, music, the beach and dogs. I like to garden, take pictures and read. I tend to speak my mind and have a rip-the-band-aid -off approach to life. (Brace yourself, this might hurt.)

23 Comments
    1. I cannot wait for that book! This is a topic my husband and I debate a lot privately. We have two completely different views on if the Bible says homosexuality is a sin, but we always come to the same value: it will always be something we discuss privately because all the Bible tells us to do is love people. That’s it. I love the blogging community because we get to hear stories and then love people where they are at. Cannot wait to get to know her more and her story. Just subscribed to her blog ❤️

      1. You’re awesome! I love who Sam is in the Lord. Her willingness to lay things down for Him has me looking at my own life and asking what do I need to lay down, give to Him? Love your heart and that your focus is loving people – we don’t have to chime in and decide or judge – what a relief. Thank you for your enthusiastic and loving response. ❤️

      1. Hi Julie! So humbled by Sam’s willingness to share herself in such honesty and vulnerability. Sam’s words helped me see sin I carry in the light of Christ’s truth. Her post is a gift for sure. Thanks for your presence and comment – God sure does love us all. ❤️❤️

    1. This is outstanding! So, so good. Bless you, Sam! This is such a big topic right now, but I always come back to the same conclusion, which is what you wrote: SHAME OCCURS WHEN WE CONFUSE WHAT WE DO WITH WHO WE ARE. We are not our sin. We are not our sexual orientation. We are children of God.

      1. Hi Jessica! As I read your words, I’m thinking “yes! yes! yes!” We are not our sin – Jesus nailed it to the cross – so thankful for it. Love you sister – your comment is a blessing. ❤️

    1. This is such an uplifting post! We take our sin and let it define us, rather than allowing ourselves to be defined by who we are now in Christ as new creatures, redeemed, beloved, and transformed. This is a beautiful application, Sam, as it pertains to your same sex attraction and how that has impacted your life. Your message is timely, and I’m glad that so many followers of Christ are speaking more openly about our own struggles, whatever they may be, because our words can then uplift and encourage those who struggle in the same areas. Thank you for proclaiming the hope in Christ, no matter the sin or temptation. We are not defined by our brokenness, but by our Savior and our status now as Children of God.

      1. Melinda! You are my most favoritest ever ❤️❤️ I love what you express and how you expressed it. Thank you for joining the conversation – I’m happy you enjoyed Sam’s post – I thought she expressed chain breaking truth in a way that speaks to who we are in Christ – not the issue.

    1. This is so so good! Thank you for sharing your heartfelt story Sam. God created us to Love and be loved. God didn’t not create any space in us for shame. Thank you for this encouragement Sam and Liz❤️

      1. Love you sister friend! Sam’s testimony is powerful – I know the Lord is using her to set captives free. It’s an honor to feature her. Thank you for being salt and light. ❤️

      1. Hi Veda! I definitely relate to Sam’s struggle to see herself through the eyes of God vs the lense of self condemnation. I think shame keeps us in bondage and I love Sam’s ability to point out sin is something I do, not who I am. Amazing grace. ❤️ Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.

    1. What a beautiful post filled with authenticity. Shame paralyzes so many, and leaves them stuck in the darkness. I love the words, “SHAME OCCURS WHEN WE CONFUSE WHAT WE DO WITH WHO WE ARE.” Freedom and healing begin when we can accept ourselves as the Beloved of the Father and let go of the shame. Our shame is not who we are! Many blessings to you – thank you for sharing!!

      1. Hi Lisa! Yes! I love all you say…even though I don’t have same sex attraction, I identify with the shame and self hatred – of being too much, not enough, etc All lies of the enemy and a way to keep me from God and His best. You are so right – accepting ourselves as beloved and who I am in God’s eyes is where Healing and freedom live. Blessings sister! ❤️

    1. Thank you for this heartfelt and honest post. It takes great courage to share personal struggles, whatever they may be. May we all become wounded healers through the power of Christ. Because we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, we are all sinners in desperate need of a Savior. Because of Jesus our identity is in Him, not in our sin. This is true, no matter the temptations we battle.
      I appreciate how you make clear the truth of God’s Word as it pertains to sin and yet when we confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive us that sin. We must acknowledge both. What God says sin is sin. And yet when we confess our sin to Him, He forgives. Both are true.
      I am so grateful for the clarification you provided about the difference between temptation and the practice of the sin. There is a big difference as you wrote here: “1 Corinthian 6:9 speaks against those who practice homosexuality – separating the practice from the person.” – So important to highlight. Thank you for sharing your heart and your faith. I’m praying for God to continue to bless, keep and fill you. Though the battle is real for each of us, may we all continue to be transformed from one degree of glory to the next, day by day, into the image of Christ!

      1. Hi Melissa! Love your words and the love and grace they dispense. Love how you say, “May we all become wounded healers through the power of Christ” Amen sister. ❤️❤️ Thank you for the blessing of your presence and comment. ❤️

      1. Hi Nancy! I agree with you and it hurts my heart that the Christian community has ostracized an entire group of people Jesus died for. As Sam wrote so well, our identity in Christ isn’t based on our sin but through His righteousness. Amazing grace.❤️ Blessings sister!

      1. Hi Jedian! Welcome…so glad you were blessed by Sam’s post. Glory to God my friend…He is faithful! I hope you keep coming back and being part of the conversation. Blessings.

    1. Thank you for sharing. Your post gives all of us the horror of dealing with shame, which is so harmful. Too many so called “Christians” still live with the Old Testament rather than a new life with Christ. Your honesty and heartfelt comments are so refreshing. Thank you!

      1. Hi Carole! Love your encouraging words and I agree Jesus never said to hate or keep anyone from Him. Jesus spoke directly about the Old Testament – “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.”
        ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:17‬ ‭What I love about Sam’s post is she looks at scripture then seeks God to find how it applies to her life and makes adjustments based on His Word. As Christians we are to speak truth in love and I agree there are times, Christians (including me) have done a poor job communicating the love of Christ. Love your heart for Him and His people. ❤️

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