Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. –Matthew 11:29
Sometimes I won’t let go so I get dragged.
I keep hoping things will change and someone will wake up.
I don’t want to accept reality.
The situation is painful and heart breaking – if I just tried harder…..
Insanity makes me insane.
Attempting to fix what is broken.
Playing God because I don’t think He will do what’s needed.
Obviously He needs my help.
Instead of getting out of God’s way, I am the self-appointed fourth in the Trinity.
Doing what’s right in my own eyes.
Convinced I can get them to change
Not trusting God’s ways and plan.
No peace.
No fruit.
Frustration and control.
Dr. Henry Cloud calls this a “push-pull relationship”. In his book, Never Go Back, Dr. Cloud writes about control:
“….trying to get someone to be or do something they do not wish to be or do. Yet we know it would be good for them – if they would just “get it”. Right? Probably. But they would have to get it. And that is the problem.”
Cloud goes on to say, “The hard thing is to be honest and clear and take responsibility for our own wishes, realizing other people are free to do what they want. Sometimes clear consequences are the only thing that will cause someone to make a choice – whether it’s the choice we want or not. But we can’t control whether they make a choice or the choice they make. We can only be the best we can, offer them the best we have, then allow them to choose.”
Even when their choice isn’t what I want or hope for.
Even when their choice means I must walk away.
God never forces His way, plan or purpose – He always lets me choose.
I’m not greater than God – this means when I won’t let go, I am not only making myself crazy, I’m also in sin.
Unbelief.
Idolatry.
Attempting to call the shots and play God.
There is no love without freedom.
I’m desperate for this person to change because I need them to.
Convinced it’s about them, it’s really about me.
If they’re okay, I’m okay and I can’t be okay in the current situation.
Can’t live with it, won’t walk away.
There’s only two choices but I invent a third.
I use control, manipulation and emotional blackmail to try and force them do what I need to have peace.
False peace created by a false god.
If “they would just….get it, stop, listen”
It’s for their own good.
Selfishness masked as caring.
I can’t be dragged unless I tie myself to the other person.
When I get to the end of me and surrender to God, He begins to move and work.
When I get honest about my feelings, lay my cards on the table and give choices with consequences, I not only free myself but the other person as well.
Love brings freedom.
Control produces rebellion.
Let go and let God.
Cut ties that bind.
Become free.
There is no love without forgiveness, no forgiveness without love.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
When I refuse to forgive, I demand something the offender does not choose to give.
It ties me to the person, place or thing.
When I'm waiting for something to happen before I forgive, I need to let go. Click To Tweet
Set the captive free.
God is able to do what I can’t.
Trust He can and will.
Trust He controls the fall.
Trust He has hope and a future for me and for them.
When I bind myself to another, I’m not free to be who I am created to be.
Stuck in the spin cycle.
King of my throne.
Ambien faith.
Awake sleeper.
Walk in Christ’s love light.
Love that does not enable but rejoices in truth.
Love that brings praise to God.
No longer a slave to sin.
Living sacrifice.
Sacrifice what I want for what God has.
My ways for His.
Rich in faith.
Shining star.
Kingdom heir.
Alive in Christ.
Saved by grace.
Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Colossians 3:16
Nancy Altic
August 17, 2018This is me. I have been doing this for the past three years. Thank you for opening my eyes to this. Powerful word
Liz
August 17, 2018Hi Nancy…this is me too. ❤️ It’s not easy to let go when it involves people, places and things you love and want the best for. I visually picture the person and/or issue and hand it to Jesus, tell Him I trust He can take care of it better than I can. Love you sister…thank you for your friendship and honesty. You are a blessing. ❤️
Sonja
August 17, 2018Some ppl don’t embrace change easily. They never see
the problem in their life until its 2 late. I have seen it in my own family. Sure it’s hard giving up certain foods & other habits in order 2 get healthy. But it can’t be done by your own will because the flesh is weak. That’s were
Jesus comes in and give you the strength to carry out
what is impossible 4 us 2 accomplish. When I am weak He is strong in me.
Liz
August 17, 2018Hi Sonja! Such a great comment – you get it…it’s giving it up to Jesus and resting in His power and strength. Speaking truth and love then trusting God with the outcome. Blessings sister – thank you for reading and commenting. ❤️
Melinda Viergever Inman
August 17, 2018Liz, your words and your artistry together make for a powerful message! There’s a lot of truth here. God brings circumstances into our lives, often without our choosing – think tragedy, loss, chronic illness. Our response then is where our freedom lies – will we obey and praise him, trust him, let him work what he chooses to work in our lives? Or, as you so beautifully describe, will we attempt to manipulate the circumstances, the people, and even God himself, trying to bend him to our will to bring the result that we think is right, rather than resting in him? Christian life seems to always be about these choices, these freely given responses of either trusting and yielding or not. We can choose to resist. And, you have detailed so clearly what that looks like! Or we can choose to trust and yield. And, there’s so much more peace in that. Maturity might even be described as choosing to trust and yield sooner, rather than later. Isn’t that what we all grow toward?
Liz
August 17, 2018Hi Melinda…love your comment…it could be a post! You articulated what God has been showing me so well. It’s always a choice, His way or mine. There’s grace and love even in my failure. As you said, a growth process where I trust and yield sooner than later. Thank you again for your comment – it is a gift. ❤️
Yvonne Morgan
August 17, 2018I can so relate to trying to control things instead of letting God be in charge. It is a hard lesson to learn and I keep trying. Thank goodness for God’s grace when I lapse into old ways. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Liz
August 17, 2018Hi Yvonne! Yes! The need to grasp for control is wired into us I fear. I’m learning the release is a process and as you say, there is grace even in failure. So thankful for it. Thank you for the blessing of your honest and authentic comment. My sincere desire is to link arms with others seeking to follow Jesus more closely. So thanks for linking arms with me.❤️
Melissa Henderson
August 17, 2018When I try to fix things on my own, nothing works out. Relying on God is the only way. He brings me comfort during my “spin cycle”.
Liz
August 17, 2018Hi Melissa – yes! Relying on God is the only way. It’s a Day by day moment by moment surrender for me. Thanks for linking arms. ❤️
Karen Friday
August 17, 2018Powerful, LIz. I haven’t ready that particular book by Dr Henry Cloud, although I’ve read several others. This is one of my favorite lines, “When I get to the end of me and surrender to God, He begins to move and work.” Yes!
Liz
August 17, 2018Hi Karen! Yes…love Dr Cloud! Thank you for reading and commenting – I sincerely appreciate you. ❤️
Nancy E. Head
August 18, 2018It’s the lifelong battle we face. God shapes us through the continual process of our letting go.
Liz
August 18, 2018Hi Nancy, Yes! He’s showing me this…you get it. Letting go is so hard for me but what relief when I finally do. It’s like I hold myself and God captive until I open clenched hands. As soon as I do, I notice God moves. Thank you for your comment – great addition to the conversation! ❤️
Jessie | One Lost Coin
August 18, 2018I just absolutely love “self appointed fourth in the Trinity”. That sentence just hit me hard. What beautiful writing!
Jessie
Your Story Matters.
http://www.onelostcoin.com
Liz
August 18, 2018Hi Jessie! Glory to God…it hit me hard when God showed it to me. It’s hard to watch someone I love make choices that are destructive. I want to save them and “show them a better way”. I’m learning only God can change a life. Blessings friend ❤️
Scott Osgood
August 18, 2018I really appreciate your writing style Liz. Very enjoyable to read.
Set the captive free.
God is able to do what I can’t.
Amen!!!
Liz
August 18, 2018Hi Scott! Welcome….thank you for reading and commenting. You bless me – glory to God. ❤️ Set the captives free…you got it 😁
Chip Mattis
August 19, 2018Instead of getting out of God’s way I’m the self appointed 4th member of the Trinity. Yep. I do that. One of my constant prayers is You’re the King and I’m not. Then I repeat it until I believe it.
Liz
August 19, 2018Hi Chip! Yep I do it too – I love how you remind yourself – “you’re the king and I’m not” Using it. Thanks for reading and adding to the conversation. I so enjoy linking arms with people who aren’t afraid to be real.
Sydell
February 12, 2019This post is powerful and beautiful! Yes! I need to become more less and And More of God! Thank you friend for this encouragement!God is Amazing!
Liz
February 12, 2019Hi Sydell! God is amazing…I’m right there with you – more of Him, less me. I lose focus so easily – thank you for linking arms with me as we follow Him together. You are a blessing sister friend ❤️