When I was young, I faced abuse, physical, emotional and sexual by the ones who were suppose to keep me safe, my birth parents.
I was constantly forgotten about or left home by myself. All they cared about was how to get their next fix. They both abused drugs and alcohol. They were violent.
I don’t remember much from that age, I only know things through talking with my social worker, but I do remember when my father shoved my mother into the tv and it fell and broke, pieces flying everywhere.
My safe place was under the kitchen table, I’d stay there until my father yelled to bring him a beer. For a short time, I attended daycare. But it didn’t last long.
The night I still remember so vividly was when I was four, I was sitting on my mother’s lap, the door busts open, I scream, she screams, I was taken from her and put into a police car, to never see her again.
I was in foster for about a year, but here’s where I know God had a plan.
One of my daycare teachers had been concerned as to why I wasn’t showing up, she asked around and looked into things to find I’d been put in foster care. The thing is, that daycare teacher and her husband, I now know them as mom and dad, they adopted me.
They have been nothing but loving and encouraging since that day.
Fast forward to now, I’m 27, married to the love of my life and we have a sweet little boy, we farm, but it’s not all sunshine and roses. I struggle with severe depression & anxiety. Between talking with counselors and praying, I know my pain comes from my childhood.
I’m not one to use the abuse or pain I went through for sympathy, but I do know that I am dealing with wounds from back then. Abandonment issues, no nurturing, no love, abuse, the list goes on. I want to find healing, I want to smile without having to fake it.
Often times I don’t want to face another day, but by God’s strength and a lot of coffee, I get up and I fight through it. I know He is with me, He was with me when I was young and he is with me now.
As much as it hurts going through this, my hope is to one day see the other side and be able to share my story and maybe help someone. You are not alone.